Setting healthy boundaries is something many people struggle to do, whether for themselves or with others. Boundaries come down to respecting yourself and understanding that your mental health is essential and should be a priority.
Even if you realize you need to set boundaries in your life, implementing them can be an overwhelming task. If you’re anything like me, it’s easier to let others take advantage of your kindness than to speak out. If you’re ready to take back your confidence and become the person you truly are, then it’s time to set boundaries, that are healthy and stick to them. Below are some tools to empower you to stick up for yourself and radiate the confidence you have inside.
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Inform Don’t Ask
If you have a difficult decision you need to make; the temptation to ask instead of informing makes you seem unsure of yourself and make others question your judgment. For example, if you’ve decided a project at work needs to move forward in a way that is different than in the past, you may say, “This is what I’ve decided to do, is that ok?” Asking their permission shows you don’t trust your instincts and are unsure of the direction you’ve chosen. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want someone uncertain of themselves making big decisions. Instead, say, “ This is the direction I’ve chosen; I know it will work best for the company.” That statement screams confidence in yourself and your abilities. Whatever your situation, remember it’s ok to show confidence. This healthy boundary and believing in yourself will encourage others to believe in you too.
Act confident and no one will question you.
(One of my favorite Youtube ladies coined this phrase. @sarahs_day)
If Someone Hurts You Tell Them
Letting someone know they’ve hurt you is another area where people struggle to speak out. Many resign themselves to feeling hurt for multiple reasons, whether you don’t want to offend the person, hate confrontation, or don’t feel worthy of saying something. You have to begin to see your worth and know that voicing your hurt to someone doesn’t mean you’re rude or mean. Especially if it’s a chronic offense on the other person’s part, you must speak up and tell them what they’re doing hurts you. Doing this will show the value you have in yourself, which will make others respect you more. You will also begin to respect yourself, which is the most important thing of all.
Say No
Saying no is one of the most challenging and common difficulties people face. I’ve found myself taking on insane workloads simply because I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings and tell them “no.” If you can relate, this is one of the most important and life-changing words you will discover. There is power in saying “no.” Whether it’s because you don’t want to perform the task asked of you, or you’re too busy, it’s ok to tell someone “no.” Now, if just the mention of saying “no” is making the anxiety swell up in you, that’s ok.
You can explain why, if it makes you feel better. Being respectful, especially if you have constant contact with the person, is a good idea, but fear of hurting their feelings shouldn’t stop you. It isn’t necessary to offer any explanation, however. There is nothing wrong with telling someone “no” and leaving it at that. You can try practicing in front of a mirror to help yourself gain confidence or ask a trusted friend to help you say it over and over again. The more you say “no,” the easier it is.
Learn from Others Boundaries
Humans are hard-wired to learn behaviors from others. From observing others (obviously don’t be creepy and stalkerish about it) you can mimic and learn how to set boundaries from those who exhibit them well. If you know someone who screams confidence and always stands up for themselves, watch them and take note. Ask yourself how they respect their boundaries and what you can do to follow suit. Learning from others gives you the confidence to create your own boundaries.
If setting boundaries for yourself is something you struggle to do, you’re not alone. Many have difficulty finding their worth and standing up for how they deserve others to treat them. Making small changes and implementing tools like saying ”no,” informing instead of asking, letting people know when they hurt you, and learning from other people’s boundaries will get you on the right track to setting and implementing your boundaries. You’ve got this, and the more you practice, the better and easier setting boundaries becomes.
What are your rights?
I have the right to say “NO”!
I have the right to be treated with respect no matter who it is. (Family, friends, coworkers, etc.)
I have the right to prioritize my needs over others.
I have the right to NOT meet others’ unreasonable expectations of me.
I have the right to accept my own failures and mistakes.
Boundaries are your responsibility. You decide what is and isn’t allowed in YOUR LIFE.
Click the link to download a quick guide to Setting Boundaries.
You can also check out my Pinterest board all about Setting Boundaries.
